Do You Face-Time

How much face-time do you have with your family?

I love my iPhone. I use it a lot. I like Words With Friends, I use the IMDB app when watching TV, I check Facebook and Twitter, and I post to Instagram. I'm as guilty as the next guy of reaching for my phone when I'm bored or have time to kill.

But I'm saddened at the trend I see around me lately; parents using their phone at dinner, at the restaurant.

A few months ago while having dinner at Panera, I noticed a woman in her mid-30s on her phone. Her back was to me, so I could see she was playing a Tetris-type game. Across the table from her were to beautiful little girls, I guess ages 9 and 11. They were quietly eating their dinner, not talking to each other, not talking to their mom.

Two weeks ago my husband and I went to Culver's. There was a family having dinner in a booth to my left. The entire time the dad had his eyes glued to his phone, while his wife and daughters (in the 4- to 6-year-old range) conversed quietly among themselves.

The worst was last week, when again we were at Culver's. One table had two young ladies in their early 20s who were each on their phone. I joked they were texting each other instead of talking.

One table had a group of teens, all glued to their phones. Another table had a young couple, each with a phone in their hand.

We looked round the restaurant and noticed at every. single. table. (probably 12 in all) somebody had a phone in their hand! Our table and one other had a phone sitting on it, but not being used.

Then there was one family - a mom, a dad and two young girls. What? No phone? No! They were talking, laughing and engaged with each other! The only table in the whole place with no phone in sight!

I was very proud of that couple who took the time to be a part of their children's lives, who made their girls a priority. I wanted to say something to them, but they left before I could - laughing and holding hands on the way out the door.

My son made the comment about how sad it is that parents aren't going to remember their children growing up because they were too busy looking at their phones. Truth!

And looking at what? Facebook? Twitter? Posting their cheeseburger on Instagram?

Parents, put your phones down and engage with your family. They need you! You're missing opportunities to have relationship with your family, you're allowing the trivial to take you away from time that will never come your way again. Your kids will grow up and you won't be able to get this time back.

You're missing it! Life is passing you by as you try to beat Candy Crush! Put your phone down and live in the moment.

I heard a pastor say that when he attends meetings they all put their phones face-down in the center of the table so they aren't distracted. Maybe your family can do the same...

And spend some real face-time together!

I saw this video posted today by Rhett and Link. It perfectly makes the point I've wanted to blog about these past few weeks. I think you'll like it!

Get Off the Phone

Read my previous post: Music Monday: Dylan Arms (American Idol Season 12)
Read my next post: Who's-Ever Next

What Are We Doing? (Why I Hate Christmas)

(c) Christmas 2007; Kathy Fannon

What are we doing, America? First it's Christmas songs the beginning of November (can't we just get through Thanksgiving first?), and now Black Friday has turned into Black Thursday?

Last week while watching Studio B, Shepard Smith was discussing with Gerri Willis the fact that some stores (Target, WalMart) are going to be opening at 8:00 Thursday night. Thanksgiving Thursday night. Shep was not happy, he wants his mama's cookin' and doesn't want her running off to sales.

Gerri too.

Me too.

My daughter sent me a text this morning saying that Rivertown Mall will be opening at midnight on Friday morning. As my dad used to say, "for our shopping dollars...uh, convenience."

I saw on the news this morning that the best deals and prices were September 27. Maybe that was the day to shop.

I used to love Christmas. I put up my tree and decorations the day after Thanksgiving and took them down January 1. I had tinsel and lights everywhere along with all the trinkets and knickknacks I had in my collection. I hung stockings on the fireplace and the tree was loaded underneath with presents for everybody and their brother.

Now...not so much. I've had years where I didn't even put a tree up. This will probably be another one of those years. And I only buy for those closest to me, not the mailman, the doctor's office receptionist, or those kinds of "extended" people like I used to. (Mostly, no money.)

It seems like every year Christmas comes earlier. Really, Hallmark? We need to start collecting ornaments in July? And every fall the push is on for those Christmas dollars. Promotions for promotions: "Watch for the new Gizmo 2 Million to be on sale next week!" Coupons, flyers, sale sheets - my email and mailbox are overloaded!

And now stores want to open on Thanksgiving?!

Hello, America, we don't NEED all of this stuff. Can we stop being so greedy? Or is it stupid? Senseless, out-of-control spending. (Who even has the money anyway? I sure don't.)

Remember the Fiscal Cliff we're headed toward?

Let's take a moment and think about what's going on in the world. Or even right here in our own country.

Hurricane Sandy wiped out hundreds of thousands of people's homes. They lost everything. There is a tremendous need on the east coast. Those people don't care about the latest gizmo, fashion item, or popular child's toy; many of them just want their power back on, basic necessities met and to keep their jobs. How many of them will care about Black Friday (or Thursday) and be standing in a line to save a few dollars on a luxury item? Well, maybe they will because they have things to replace in their homes. (See below for how to help.)

Please remember these folks as you're standing in line at Best Buy, Target, Wal-Mart, the mall, or wherever you're shopping to buy another toy for the child in your life and maybe do a little less for the people you know who don't really need more things, and do a little more for the people who are truly needy.

In our own community we have Angel Tree, Toys for Tots, Mel Trotter Ministries and the Salvation Army. Maybe there are folks in your church who need food...give to the benevolence ministry. Maybe there is a family in your neighborhood whose parents are out of work and you could bless them by filling a need...clothes, toys, food.

Please remember to focus on others this year. It's insane how much money we spend, that we don't have, on junk we don't need. I've already told my daughter not to get us anything; use the money for someone who truly has a need. (Just bake us a pie or something!)

Yes, all this giving is good, and that's the spirit of the season, to share and to give. And maybe I'm just at a point in my life where I'd rather just spend time with my family enjoying dinner and laughing instead of getting things I don't need or want. (Hello, return lines, right?)

But our spending...uh, giving is so out of control we've lost sight of the reason for the giving in the first place.

The true reason for Christmas is Jesus' birth; a little baby boy born amongst cows, sheep, straw, rats and a smelly barn. Nobody knew the King of Kings was born that night, silently in a hidden away place, while chaos surrounded him outside the barn doors. This little boy who would grow up and allow Himself to be beaten, mocked, tortured and murdered because of us and our sins. That's true giving. And true Love. Let's remember HIM this season.

I know not everybody agrees with me, and some of my friends LOVE this holiday and live for it all year. I know I'm a bah-humbugger, but I promise I WILL have Christmas music playing at some point, starting in December. It's just not the season without Andy Williams, Johnny Mathis, the Robert Shaw Chorale, Louis Armstrong, Les Brown and Dean Martin singing the classics!

What are you be doing different this year for Christmas? Anything? 

How To Aid Victims of Hurricane Sandy
Convoy of Hope

Birthday: Mother-In-Law (A Tribute)

My mother-in-law, Elner, would've turned 94-years-old today. What a bonus to have such beautiful weather for a mid-March birthday today!

Elner (not a typo, her dad wanted a son and was going to name him Elmer) was born on March 19, 1918. She married Edward on October 17, 1937 and they had three children: my husband and his sister and brother. (My husband is the youngest.)

One of my favorite Elner-stories is of when she found out she was pregnant for her first-born. A visit to her doctor brought about the happy news that she was expecting.

"Well how did that get in there?" she asked in complete innocence. Much to her shock, the doctor explained how.

"You gotta be kidding me! How is it going to get out?" she asked. To which the reply was, "Mrs. Fannon, the same way it got in." She was horrified!

Elner had eleven grandchildren and twenty-one great-grandchildren and she treated each one with love, respect and fairness. In our current day, when everybody is so focused on themselves, Elner's life was all about her family.

Elner was a woman who loved God and lived her life in a way that was pleasing to Him. Because of this, her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren respected her and would come to her for advice and to benefit from her wisdom.

As she got older and began to have health problems, the family pulled together to help her and to look after her the way she looked after so many of us through the years.

Elner never saved anyone from a burning building or performed some miraculous feat, but to her family she was a hero because of the way she lived her life. She lived it with grace, love, respect and most remembered is her extremely generous spirit.

I'm proud to say that I was able to be at the side of a true hero when she drew her last breath. On November 23, 2004, Elner passed on to her reward in Jesus.

Happy Birthday, Ma. I love you and I miss you.

Elner and Edward, Thanksgiving, November 1937, one month after they were married.The dress she is wearing is a beautiful deep blue velvet, and is the one she was married in.

Read my previous post: Music Monday - "The Woodpecker Song" by Glenn Miller

Birthday: My Daughter

Twenty-three years ago today I gave birth to my first offspring. She was beautiful at the moment I met her and she's still beautiful today.

We all look at our brand new babies and wonder what kind of people they will grow up to be, what they will look like, what their voices will sound like, what kind of friends they'll have, and giftings they'll possess. After 23 years, I can look back and all of those questions have been answered.

She's unique in personality and is content to be that way. She's not afraid to be different and not go along with the crowd "because everybody is doing it". (In fact, quite the opposite!)

I know what her voice sounds like, because she talks non-stop and fast! I've had to tell her many times to slow down because I can't listen that fast!

She's had amazing friends who have all challenged her, loved her, encouraged her and helped her to fall more in love with Jesus and to grow as a person. I've always been proud of the group of young people she surrounded herself with.

My baby girl has always had a book with her from the time she was old enough to carry one. She never left home without one and still doesn't now. Yesterday she had to wait for some service work on her car that took longer than she expected. I got a text that said: "Good thing I've got my book." Yep, no surprise!

She is an amazing young lady and I am so proud to have her for my daughter. She brings lots of fun and laughter into our lives and I will miss her when she has to move out someday. But then...I will wait for grandchildren and start the wondering all over again.

HAPPY 23rd BIRTHDAY, GORGEOUS DAUGHTER! I LOVE YOU!

She always had a book and a stuffed animal with her! (And she's still a lover of animals.) (1992)

Read my previous post: 8 Lessons We Can Learn From Snoopy

"Just A Thinking of the Past" (Part 3)

Great-Great Grandma and Grandpa Rasmussen with Bina, Anna, Ide, Bill and Tilda (the cute little girl, my great-grandma), Circa 1890

COMING HOME

We could hear the cowbells jingle all around what was the old old depot. We were going to Greenville. Father expected to meet a stepson of his Uncle David Hansen of Adams Grove. The word Greenville was misunderstood and called Grandville. So father and Uncle John Rasmussen hired a man, team, and truck to take us to Grandville. Thirteen persons counting the children, on one wagon with all our boxes, we found that Grandville was the wrong town so we were loaded up again, and went from there to Rockford, and from there to Greenville.

There we landed in the back room of old Lars Hansen’s store among boxes, vinegar barrels and molasses barrels. Sister Anna had the measles, before we landed there. We were there several days. Finally, Gilbert Palmer came with his ox-team and wagon and moved us out to where the Gleaner Hall in Fairplains Township now stands. There was an old empty log house and a straw stack. The ride from Greenville and out there was a long one. Gilbert Palmer walked by the oxen’s heads twirling his whip around in front of the oxen’s faces. Whoa! Haw! Gee!

They were breaking new ground out along by Jake Despelder’s. On the other side of the road was standing pine and Hamlins lived in the tiniest log shanty.

Mrs. Loren Palmer had prepared dinner for us – mush and milk and Johnnycake without sugar. We fooled our mouths thinking we were going to have a nice piece of cake. That was the first time we ever ate corn meal. Straw from the straw stack was spread on the floor the whole length of the log house and the bedclothes laid on it. Father had just enough money left to buy an elevated oven cook stove.

Sister Anna was all over the measles by this time and the rest of us children came down with them the day we came into our new home. Father and Uncle John found work in Trips lumber mill just west and a little north of us on the creek over on what is now N.J. Rasmussen’s. (Leon said he has seen sawdust there.) The measles used us hard. Sister Line and brother Peter died. They are buried in the Monroe Cemetery. A year from that time father and Uncle John moved out here in the old log house down on the old farm in Sidney Township. A year from that time, I think in March, we children all had scarlet fever. Sister Anna died and Dorthea 1 year old born here, also died.

Uncle John’s little Josephine, also born here, died. All are buried in Sidney Cemetery.

Uncle John and Father cleared their farm. Not much to do it with, but a crosscut saw, and an ax. Uncle John worked for Sam Toby by the month. He was to have some wages and once in a while the use of an ox team to clear and put in a few crops. Father did the work here at home. Some distance to go for a team. The cows ran loose in the woods and one had a bell on – most of the time they came home at night, but, if not, we had to hunt them up. My mother got lost once hunting cows. She came out by Englehart Johnson’s.

Once when they first came out here an Indian came and wanted an ax. Mother and Auntie were alone and terribly frightened. He got the ax and came back with a coon and held it up so they could see it.

The first summer in this country I worked out, and when I came home I told about some animals called skunks. I told them how they defended themselves. Father did not believe it. Later on he found some kittens. “Kitty, Kitty,” he called. They convinced him.

Just think how those early pioneers paved the way for the younger generation, the hardships they endured for the sake of a home for themselves and their children, just stop and think, let us always love and honor their memory.

Uncle John Madison’s family came over from Denmark a short time after we did. Out of that first group of which I was one, only two are living, Mrs. Albert [Bina] Madison and myself.

Read my previous post: "Just A Thinking of the Past" (Part 2)
Read my next post: Surrender

"Just A Thinking of the Past" (Part 2)

Great-Great Grandma and Grandpa Rasmussen

CROSSING THE ATLANTIC

Finally we boarded the great steamship. When we came near Ireland, a little way out, emigrants were taken on board. It was very cold. The children wore half socks and their legs were blue with cold.

In the part of the ship where we were to stay was a very long room, a long table through the middle where people ate their meals. We all had our own dishes. We each had a large tin dish with a handle on one side. I think the dish held about two quarts. That was for soup. We always had soup for dinner. It was more like slop than anything else. The waiters came with great buckets, people crowded around with their dishes.

Our mothers, with the little ones stayed in their berths (or beds) and we brought their food to them. They would have been trampled on had they come out where they were dishing out. It was worse than when a coffee lunch is passed at an auction. The rooms where our berths were had two berths across from each other on the floor and two berths above them again. Four families in a little room like that, just room enough to walk between. We slept there with our clothes on. 

For supper they passed around great large biscuits, one apiece. People and children of my age would get one then when the waiter would go around on the other side some would be there and get another one. A little boy, whose father was a drunkard, one night did not get his biscuit, cried for hunger. I gave him mine. I can’t recollect what breakfast was like but we had coffee sweetened with molasses. There was no danger of overeating in that place. It was a good place to go on a diet.

One day the drunken father of that little boy had delirium tremens. They caught him just in time to keep him from jumping over into the ocean.

We had a great windstorm lasting about three days. We drove away out of our course, so it took us much longer to cross. I never was seasick until then. We, three children, myself and those two we traveled in company with, had found some barrels of hard tack. We ate just all we could hold. They were so dry and hard it took a lot of moisture to wet them up and we just stuffed ourselves. When the ship began to rock we got sick, nearly choked us to death – the seasickness probably saved our lives.

Another incident happened, and I never found out the cause of it. The water came into our cabin so we had to get out. I said to mother, “Are we going to drown?” She said, “I don’t know.” Sailors carried the water out in buckets. Some said a window or loophole had been left open to the sea.

I cannot recollect how long we were on the ocean, but when land was in sight there was real joy. We sailed up the St. Lawrence River to Quebec where we landed on Canadian soil.

From there by rail to Detroit. Those two children and I were outside the car door and sat down on the steps to see the trees and things pass by, (carelessly) from Detroit to Grand Rapids - that was a just a small place then.

Tomorrow: Coming Home

Read my previous post: "Just A Thinking of the Past" (Part 1)
Read my next post: "Just A Thinking of the Past" (Part 3)

"Just A Thinking of the Past" (Part 1)

This is a true story of my Great-Grandma's family coming to America from Denmark in 1868. Great Grandma's cousin Tine (Tina) wrote this (including the title) in 1936 when she was 81-years-old. I love learning my family history and our family is very blessed to have this historical account of their travels.


My Great Grandma was born in 1885, eight years after her parents with aunts, uncles, cousins and older siblings arrived.


This is an interesting story so I thought I would share it. I will post it in three parts.

Tine Lavery, June 26, 1937

By Mrs. Tine Lavery, July 19, 1936

Just a thinking of the past – now at the age of eighty-one years. Thinking of the time when we left the shores of our native land, Denmark, in 1868.

I was in my thirteenth year. The shore, by the old city, Nakskov, Lolland, was crowded with people – friends and relatives of the out going emigrants. Tears were shed, farewells were said.

My eyes were riveted on my dear old Grandmother. God bless her. I can see her yet. I called to her, “Grandmother, I will come back again,” but alas, I never did. I dearly loved her. Some day in the near future I hope my ark will be sailing into yonder shores where she will be waiting for me, also for others. It seems so strange to think one by one we are gathering home. [Tine passed away in 1940.]

The old ship noiselessly, quietly, started gliding away from shore and dear ones. Soon all was out of sight.

I am quite sure we landed in some place in Sjaelland. From there by rail to Kobenhagen, where we were piled into some room, bag and baggage - not like first and second class travelers but like emigrants. We were there several days. I roamed around the city some alone but did not go any farther than I could find my way back. From there I am quite sure we went by rail to Hamburg, and there we took a freighter across the North Sea. We were piled in on top of a lot of bags filled with something. I remember how it stunk.

There were a lot of Jews. They were eating oranges. For years I never liked oranges after that or could I stand the smell of them.

I am quite sure we were three days crossing the North Sea. It is a very rough body of water but very smooth while we were crossing. We landed at Hull, England and from there we crossed England by rail. We went through many long tunnels until we came to Liverpool. There we stopped at a cheap hotel or rooming house for several days. There were bed bugs. I believe it was the first time I had ever seen a bed bug. I can’t remember much about the food but the meat was so rare when it came on the table that the red juice ran out of it. Of course, I, as a Dane, could never forget that, nor the bed bugs. We, as Danes, like our meat well done, and as nearly all of our houses in Denmark are made of brick - all small houses of home made clay brick – we have no bed bugs there.

While in Liverpool we met some other people, acquaintances, who had a boy and a girl about my age. We used to sit out on the steps and watch the people. Sometimes singing minstrels would come along and stop and sing.

Uncle John Rasmussen and family were also with us. Besides my father and mother (Jacob Nielson and wife), Uncle John Rasmussen’s family consisted of his wife, Aunt Marie, and daughters Anna, (Mrs. Charles Town) and Bina, (Mrs. Albert Madison). Regina Knudsen and baby girl also were with us, as well as Uncle John Rasmussen’s sister Dorthea. I also had two sisters and one brother, Line about 5 years, Anna about 3 years, and Peter about 1 year. One day we three older ones went out, sister Line followed us and we did not know it. Mother said afterwards she called to us that she was there, but we did not hear her or see her. She strayed out on the street, went down into a cellar and a lady brought her out and she was led back to our rooms. How dreadful if she had been lost and I sure blame myself for not hearing my mother’s call when she said Line was coming. Oh, if only children of that age would hear and remember and obey their mother's call and advice.

When in England we had an interpreter to lead us and show us where to go.

Tomorrow: Crossing the Atlantic

Read my previous post: Music Monday - "The Pink Panther" by Henry Mancini
Read my next post: "Just A Thinking of the Past" (Part 2)

Battle With A Princess

[From Zazzle.com, Created by jsoh]

Raising teenagers. Who feels that pain? Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.

And lived to tell about it!

The other day while out for coffee with my friend, we saw an acquaintance of ours. I haven't seen her in almost a year, but it seemed God-ordained that she ran into us. This particular morning she was feeling pretty beat up; she has a just-turned-18-years-old daughter. Need I say more?

This single mom spent about 20 minutes spilling her guts and voicing her frustration over the argument she had that morning with her baby girl. My friend and I sat and nodded because we knew exactly what she was talking about. Hopefully our words were able to strengthen and encourage her for the battle that will surely continue for the next few months.

If you battle with your teenagers, especially girls, take heart - it will NOT last forever. Whew!

When my daughter was in 11th and 12th grades it was the worst. The disrespect from her towards us, me in particular, was beyond my comprehension. I never had a need to talk to my parents the way she felt she had a right to speak to us. It was mind-boggling and heart-breaking.

I remember complaining to friends at the time, saying I was sure she was going to graduate, move away and I would never hear from her again.

They all laughed and said with confidence that in a few years she would be a different person and we would again be close.

They didn't understand: It was bad, she hated me.

I found out it's true. She became a different person and we are now closer than ever.

Going away to college was good for her; she grew up. Change happened, but not all at once. It took a couple of years. But she started to understand how poorly she treated us and where she had been wrong.

I'm by no means a perfect parent and there were plenty of things I could've done differently too, but since her high school graduation 5 years ago, we have built a relationship that is very special to me.

So what do you do with that precious cherub while they're still at home?

First, understand that they don't care that when they graduate everything changes and life at home will "never be this way again".

• As a parent we want to cling to the family unit for as long as possible.
• They are 18 and an "adult" and think they get to do anything they want, which includes NOT being with the family. (We're so uncool!)

Stay calm.

It's much easier to react out of emotion than to just act. I know how angry you are that they haven't washed their clothes in three weeks. I know how frustrating it is to have all their "junk" by the front door. I know what it's like to forget what color their bedroom carpet is. I know it's maddening when they haven't applied for college and it's January. (Hello!)

But yelling isn't going to get it done, it only makes them dig in their heels and rebel. Learn to use a low, calm voice to respond instead of yelling. Speak in a matter-of-fact tone. I've seen it work. When Dad speaks slowly and quietly, the kids respond. Why? Because they know we mean business and they feel respected instead of attacked.

Don't argue.

That goes along with not emotionally reacting. Our little "adults" want to pick fighs with us but don't bite!

One solution is to make a list. (Or multiple lists!)

• What? They're too busy on Facebook to apply for college?
• Naturally we want to nag because we think it helps. It's what moms do!
• "Did you....?" "Did you...?" "Did you...?" "Did you...?"
• "No, Mom! Gosh!"

The list stops the nagging. Make a list of what needs to be done...doing laundry and cleaning by the front door, or what needs to be done for that college application and searching out grants and scholorships. (Your child's guidance counselor will be happy to help you form that list...just don't tell your child you've had communication with school. Gosh! How uncool can you get?)

Then give your "adult" the list and say, "Here's what needs to be done and it has to be done by this date. If it's not, the consequence will be..."

So if Princess doesn't get into college in the fall because she enjoyed her social media, then she will be the one to deal with being left behind from her friends and looking for a full-time job! That's right...no slackin' off in this house!

Learn their love language!

I came across this one a little too late to help me with my daughter, but it will  make a difference. If you know what speaks love to them it will break down walls. It won't make everything perfect, but you will establish the fact that you really do love them. (Which is why we nag and argue in the first place, right?)

• But make sure you're speaking THEIR love language, not yours. If theirs is gifts and yours is touch, it will do no good to give them hugs or shoulder rubs. Bringing home their favorite Starbucks or a special treat will be much better.

And I know this from experience. My love language is touch and every day when my daughter left for school I'd give her a hug. She would stand with her arms at her side, stiff as a board and wait for me to be done. Touch is NOT her love language!

Check out Dr. Gary Chapman's, "The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers"

Pray!

Actually, prayer should be the first thing we do! God created our wonderful offspring and He knows exactly what they need and how they operate. Let HIM lead and direct you as you work through everyday problems with them.

• If you have to, begin a 24-hour policy. Hear your kids out then tell them you'll pray about it and think about it and will give them an answer in 24-hours. This will give you time to pray about it, think about it and hear from God on the best way to proceed.

I hope these ideas help you a little bit. I'm no expert like Dr. Dobson, but I have raised a couple of kids. And neither is this an exhaustive list of things you can do, just a few ideas to try. If you ever need a listening ear, let me know.

And I PROMISE...what you're going through will NOT last forever, no matter how much you think they hate you. At some point they will grow and realize you weren't so bad after all! Shoot, you might even be kind of smart!

Read my previous post: Happy Birthday, Michigan
Read my next post: "Charade"

Beautiful Womanhood with Sandy Ralya

I attended a Beautiful Womanhood conference this past Saturday at a local church. The founder and director of Beautiful Womanhood, Sandy Ralya, was our speaker and a woman who long ago attended "my" church.

I was surprised by some of her testimony because I was aware of her at church, and church people aren't supposed to have marriage problems, right? Riiiiight.

(I say I was aware of her because at the time, 25-years ago, I was in our church orchestra. From where we sat on the platform we could see most of the congregation and she and her husband always sat in the front, so I remember her.)

But as she continued to share I realized how she is not unlike other women with marriage issues, which is why conferences like this are so needed. Even church women.

Especially church women. There are a lot of hurting marriages, even in the church.

Beautiful Womanhood isn't about being beautiful in appearance, but being a beautiful wife, in the way that God calls us to be.

A few things I took away from the conference were:

• Don't correct your husband. He doesn't like to be corrected by his wife, which says he's doing it wrong. 
• Don't instruct your husband. He doesn't like to be instructed by his wife, which says he doesn't know how to do it. 
• Don't improve your husband. He doesn't like to be improved by his wife, which says he doesn't do it well enough.

I felt great conviction because I've done all those things, and I haven't been shy about it!

I especially laughed when Sandy's example of wanting to improve her husband was when they were on vacation and dressed for dinner. She put on a cashmere jacket, pearls and heels and waited in the hotel lobby for her husband. She bit her tongue when he came dressed in a camp shirt (complete with pockets for a compass), shorts (that had been pants that zip off at the knee), white socks, black shoes and a yellow tie!

Can anybody relate?! I sure could! I've busted my husband for a similar style!

But she said nothing and had an enjoyable time with her husband, because he was happy. (I'm not so sure I could look past that. I'd be very tempted to send him back to the room to change! OK, not temped...I would have!)

She talked to us about the need to respect our husbands. They need respect like they need air, so we need to find ways to communicate that to them. I'll be honest, that's hard for me sometimes. But our respect cannot be contingent on their actions.

We also need to learn how to identify the truth of our husband's behavior. Is he really sinning or is he just irritating? We need to discern the difference.

Abuse is sinning (and should be dealt with professionally). Scraping the bowl 20 times to get the last bit of oatmeal out of the bottom is irritating. (And it's sure hard not to say something!) We need to know the difference so we act appropriately.

Sandy's new book, The Beautiful Wife: Focused on Christ, Fulfilled in Marriage, will be available February 1, for $13.99. We were blessed to purchase advance copies on Saturday and I've already started reading. Wow!

Much of what she shared at the conference is in the book, and so much more. I can't wait to dig in even deeper!

There is also a Mentor's Guide for small groups, and a Prayer Journal.

Sandy has a testimony of how God restored her marriage. If God can heal hers, He can heal anybody's!

Follow Sandy on Facebook at Beautiful Womanhood or on Twitter at MentoringWives.

She also has a Beautiful Womanhood Blog.

If you're looking for ways to enrich your marriage I highly suggest using these rescources from Sandy.

Read my previous post: Up With The Sun
Read my next post: Apps: Calendar

Are You Too Busy

Angela, 2-years-old, May 1991

She liked to sit in the pantry while I was in the kitchen!

(I miss that pantry in my other house.)

When Angela was little she loved books. She still does. That girl doesn't go anywhere without a book in her bag.

And it never failed - every time I went to the kitchen to start supper she wanted me to read her a story.

Being the choleric, get-it-done person I am, this used to frustrate me. I had hamburger to fry, pasta to boil, casseroles to put together and I wanted to get it done without interruption.

I remember saying to her on more than one occasion, "I'm too busy right now, you'll have to wait."

Then one day I actually heard what I was saying. "I'm too busy for you. Making dinner comes first."

I asked myself why she had to wait.

Couldn't I turn off the fire under the hamburger and come back to it? Could the casserole wait to be put together? Can I wait a few minutes before I add the pasta to the already boiling water?

Can dinner be ready a few minutes late?

Yes. Those things could wait.

My baby girl wasn't going to be my baby girl forever. I wanted her to know I thought of her as more important than getting dinner on the table. I wanted her to know I loved her enough to stop what I was doing and make time for her.

I wasn't always perfect at it, but I tried my best to let her know she was my priority.

Now my baby girl is fixin' to turn 23-years-old in a couple of months. How I would love to have those moments back of sitting on the couch reading "Go, Dog, Go" to her one more time. (Or as she called it, "Dog And Go")

Do you still have little ones? Make sure they know how important they are to you. Time really does fly and you can't catch it to take it back. Make it count!

Read my previous post: Candles and Snow
Read my next post: Michigan Winter

Birthday: Grandpa

Grandpa and his mom, Great Grandma, Circa 1978

Today would be my grandpa's 100th birthday!

This picture was taken in the late 1970s at Grandpa's house; he died in August 1999.

Happy Birthday, Grandpa. I miss you.

Read my previous post: Birthday: Husband
Read my next post: Candles and Snow

Birthday: Husband

My husband and I in Grand Haven, MI, August 2011

Today is my husband's birthday, so I've been plotting and planning.

I brought coffee to him at work this morning, the new Starbucks Veranda roast. Yum!

I will be making one of his favorite dinners tonight, meatloaf with mashed potatoes and gravy and corn. (I will be eating leftover pizza.) I will have candle-light and Chris Botti playing on my iPod. (Both kids will be gone so it will be just the two of us.)

And the rare occurrence that I found a great birthday gift...we, I mean he is getting a new shower head. (OK, by default...we.) Thrilling as that may sound, it's better than the socks and underwear he asked for at Christmas.

Oh, rats, I forgot about a pie, which he prefers to cake. I'll have to see what I can whip up!

Read my previous post: Clothes on the Line
Read my next post: Birthday: Grandpa